The Dos and Don'ts of Uganda's Rolex

I have heard many people on these Zuckerberg streets complain about buying a Rolex that’s not tasty or mouth-watering. Here’s a few guidelines every Ugandan should consider when buying a Rolex and eating it. I say Ugandan because us of the Pearl don’t wear Rolexes, we eat them.

  1. A Rolex is an emotional food, it has feelings and it feels a connection with both the maker and the buyer/eater. So I suggest that you should NOT stand more than 5.89 metres away from the frying pan. Desist from makings an order and walking away to run other errands then coming back when your order is ready.
  2. Do not let the Rolex guy beat the eggs from a cup he has just washed. A good Rolex stall has at least two cups. Always choose the one that has been used to make the previous orders and preferably a red, blue or lime green cup.
  3. In most cases, whilst the eggs are being beaten, there’s always a chapatti being fried on the hot pan which is usually pulled off before the eggs are spread onto the same pan. Do not, I repeat, Do NOT let the maker spread the eggs right after he has pulled off the chapatti. The maker needs to pour cool water on the pan first, and this because eggs require less heat to fry to the perfect brown outside and cream white inside.
  4. The maker has to pass his knife down the eggs at short intervals to make the heat reach every corner of the spread. This in turn will make the Rolex uniformly hot at the time you dig into it.
  5. The holy matrimony: the chapatti(s) which is the groom must meet the eggs (bride) on the frying pan. The marriage has to be bound by heat and the chapatti must be turned back and forth to receive the heat too. This creates a union that will make your eating experience as heavenly as they come.
  6. Nyanya mbisi or byona sikiramu : I have to say the “nyanya mbisi is the best” is a relative remark. Different people have different tastes and preferences though I must say, nyanya mbisi is out of this world, Ho!
  7. So, if you had byona sikiramu, do not be tempted to have nyanya mbisi sliced on the Rolex out of excitement. This is because tomatoes produce their own water/fluids and the eggs have probably drained the fluids so if you so much make the mistake of adding nyanya mbisi, the rolex will be drowning in tomato fluids. This kills the taste.
  8. Do NOT have your Rolex cut into smaller pieces unless you are going to have Romando (Rolex and Beans). A Rolex needs to be held from the middle when eating it, this commands authority from the eater and makes you calculate your next bite without letting any tomato slice escape the roll.
  9. Do not swing the paper bag or kavera where the Rolex has been put because it loses heat and also disorganises the roll.
    If you don’t enjoy your Rolex after following these guidelines, perhaps you are not Ugandan enough. Go back home and ask your mother about your true roots. 😆😆😆😆😆

Disclaimer: This post has been drafted from a facebook comment by Shid Kats on Eddy Kenzo’s Post
Photo Credit: howkenya.com